Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
