idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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