hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
