so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
