from now on my penis is your penis
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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