I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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