i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i wish my penis had a tongue
there was a trapeze. enough said
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
