Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize