She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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