i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
this hospital has no fireball
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize