You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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