new low.... made out with someone while peeing
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
