I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
