how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
