so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
