she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
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