Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize