I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize