guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
