using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
