What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
