so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
where are my eyebrows?
i out mim tonsoeep
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
