It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
