Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
