dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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