I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
