I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
