Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
