WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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