The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
