Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
