why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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