Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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