I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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