handjob tips. give me some.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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