i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
