So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
