I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
