my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
