I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize