just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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