Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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