I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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