Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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