You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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