Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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