U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
