my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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