Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize