Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
