Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Bring me that man meat
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
