I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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