So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
