I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
