I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
My bed smells like the plague
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