Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
