so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize