saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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