just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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