i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I stole a fireplace last night.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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