the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
jump out the window naked night went bad
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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