Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
