It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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