i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
