Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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