There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
