I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
