He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
