God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
