So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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