I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize
