I got chris browned last night
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
