one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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