dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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