Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
