Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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