New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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