i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
