I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
