We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
you never un-have a 4some
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
