mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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