Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
what day is it and did you see me today?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
