I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
We named our party play list daddy issues
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
