I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
it hurts more in the daytime
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
