she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
