So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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