We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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