My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
