Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
