Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
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