i think my mom watched the whole time
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Randomize
