I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dick very happy bro
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
