Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
