Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That reminds me...we need to get swords
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
