Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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