I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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