Who wears a wallet chain?!
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
