Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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