she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
