are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize