i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
