i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Barsexuality is the new black.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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