Nicole vs. Life
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
