So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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