She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
