I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
